


Separation

by helens78



Category: L.A. Confidential (1997)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-02
Updated: 2004-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-05 11:36:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bud never wanted the world he shared with Lynn to collide with the world he shared with Ed, but some things were never up to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Separation

Bud looks at Lynn and sees honesty. It's honesty with a twist, because her living depends on a lie: Veronica Lake, someone else's identity. But she's honest about what she's doing and why she's doing it. She doesn't flinch when he uses the word _whore_. He can respect that. It's not what he expected to love, but he's not going to turn it away now that it's here.

Bud looks at Exley and sees honesty. He doesn't like it, but Exley's not lying about what he is and what he does. Exley wants power, and he'll trade in his friends, his conscience, and his morals for it. He's singleminded in a way Bud can accept, even if it hurts him, burns him, makes him want to reach out and get his hands around Exley's neck.

Lying with Lynn is about comfort. She makes him feel needed, wanted, like the world can stop right here and he doesn't need to fight or push or break anyone in order to get a rest. She's quiet when he needs her to be quiet, and she talks when he needs to talk or fall apart from the weight of unspoken words.

Lying with Exley is about catharsis. He's seen all the things Bud's had to do, knows all the reasons he has demons in his dreams. He can take it when Bud needs to let the rage and frustration out in tense, growled encounters in the dark, and can give Bud enough distraction and focus to keep those demons at bay, at least for a while.

There's no way he could choose between them. He needs them both.

But he needs them separate, needs to know those worlds never have to meet. Lynn's safe, untainted by the things he's done in the line of duty. Exley's strong, without that underlying need for softness that marks the time Bud spends with Lynn.

The photographs are a betrayal in every way that matters. Lynn's calculating approach to her own duty comes to light; Exley's greed turns toward the desire to immerse himself in beauty.

Bud's own betrayals are as inevitable as the dawn. Hurting Lynn breaks him apart. Hurting Exley puts him back together.

They both understand. The rules of the game were drawn before any of them started playing. Maybe that's why Lynn forgives him, and is ready to take him home to start over. Maybe that's why Exley respects him, and gives him the professional credit he's due.

Bud's not the type to look back. He makes his choices, and he lives with them. He's got his happy ending, and he's not going to second-guess it. In other lives, maybe it wasn't the same kind of happily ever after. Maybe Bud stayed on the force and kept saving the day. Maybe he picked the life he was leading with Exley, and that need for softness became something he could do without. In this one, though, his happily ever after belongs to Lynn, and the promise of Bisbee, Arizona.

_-end-_


End file.
